Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Raw Chocolate Messes Up My Life.

I'm going to have to admit it - I have a raw chocolate addiction. A HUGE ONE. Up until this past July, I was spending anywhere from $20 - $30 a day - yes, A DAY - on that shit. Why? Because it is amazing, and it is also incredibly good for you. Yes, it's a ton of dough to shell out for something most would consider to be a luxury - but I've got what one would refer to as an addictive personality, so maybe I went a little overboard.

That all changed this summer, when I just said "no." I stopped grabbing at raw chocolate packages with the ecstatic fervor of a five-year-old grabbing for its first Cabbage Patch Kid (or whatever ignominious equivalent pollutes tots' Christmas lists these days), and started saving some money for future endeavors, whatever they may be. However...

I had to take a sabbatical from the Chocolate Ban when I received an email from Gnosis Chocolate detailing in perverted, near-pornographic terms their new concoction for fall - THE PUMPKIN SPICE TRUFFLE.

Observe:
Like bees extracting nectar from late-blooming flowers, Gnosis draws seeds from autumn’s pumpkin essence, and whips these mini kegs of energy and such immune boosters as zinc, magnesium, and iron, into a creamy, nutty butter. Combining the butter with its uniquely delicious, nutritious chocolate, Gnosis then adds potent maca root, effervescent ginger, Siberian ginseng, cinnamon, nutmeg, Cordyeps mushroom, vanilla beans, and blue green algae.

The result is a treat whose sugar-free sweetness tricks (and delights) all palates and invites gobbling well beyond Thanksgiving. And, while keeping plenty for you and yours, we invite you to consider filling Halloween Party Goers' bags with Pumpkin Spice Truffles this year rather than with the usual sugar- and chemical-filled “treats.” Gnosis’s oompa loompas faithfully follow Nature’s example each and every day, as they combine the highest quality raw, organic plant based foods to create gems whose value is great for lovers of life’s very best things.
I tried to resist. I really did. But sadly, I work less than a block away from Westerly, one of the main suppliers of this drug-of-choice - and when I was over there last week and saw those little motherfuckers staring out at me from their compostable packaging, I just snapped. I had to buy them. They were CALLING TO ME. Because not only do I have a raw chocolate addiction - I also have a VERY severe pumpkin addiction (aside from that revolting, ultra-sweet sewagey filth they serve at Starbucks under the "pumpkin spice latte" banner. That shit makes me want to vomit.) Mostly, if it says "pumpkin" in it - I'm going to want it.

Were they worth every single god damn penny I laid out for them? Absolutely. Have I maintained control since their purchase? Yes. How? Because Westerly sold out of them. But if I ever see them there again, you can bet I'ma snap those little bastards up. They are nut-buttery delight, and they are FULL of things that are just plain good for you.

I love pumpkins, and I love Gnosis. The two together - PURE HEAVEN.

2 comments:

Chocolate Girl V said...

we love you. period. your writing style is just too good... ok so maybe we hate you for being such a good writer. maybe we wish we were as good.

maybe that's why... we stocked westerly's up with more of the truffles so you can indulge your addiction... mwahahaha!
we're happy you find our writing so provocative... and we appreciate your support and blogs. so we guess it's a love/hate relationship.

leaning heavy towards the love side :)

get your fix while they last... they sold out in 2 days last time.

Tinsel Shrimpfax said...

I saw them today, and yes, I bought one. Thank you! They are absolutely fantastic.

Two days?!? Dang, I'll have to stock up for the weekend!

ps - I tried the Zero G bar today, and it was divine too! I love the hint o' cinnamon.