Saturday, August 15, 2009

Jesus Fucking Christ, Y'all.


Okay, I've been on yet another dreary Raw Foods kick - once you start with the raw foods, going back to regular foods makes you feel... what's the word... lame.  I don't know why - I can't explain it. I think starting a raw foods diet, at least for me, puts my brain in 'eating disorder' mode - if I dare eat anything processed at a temperature that exceeds 115 degrees fahrenheit, I immediately feel as if my ass will balloon. Retarded, yes, but whoever said humans were rational thinkers?

Anyway, enough of that drivel.  I'm here to bleat about raw chocolate. The shit is amazing, y'all. And I discovered a new variety yesterday that would make even the most staunch advocate of Hershey's and other purulent, fetid versions of chocolate fall prostrate at the chef's feet, praising him or her for defying all odds and making the most amazing shit in the entire fucking world.  

It's called ChocAlive!. I purchased some yesterday before going to see District 9 - I ain't eating none of that mess they sell at concession stands in movie theaters. (Did you know that the "butter" they use on their popcorn contains condensed chicken feet? True story.) I nestled into my seat and popped open the 'sampler pack' of raw chocolate truffles, and ho-lee fucking shit, y'all, I almost had to get up and leave the theater, my reaction was so strong. I could not believe the smooth, sweet, amazing deee-lite that I had just bitten into was actually raw food. One variety was rolled in coconut, another in cacao nibs, and I think the other was just rolled in raw cacao powder. Whatever they were rolled in, they were all of them - each and every one - off the god damn chain.

Meanwhile, what's all this fuss about raw chocolate that's been going on not just in hippie news circuits but on mainstream news as well? From ChocAlive's website:
ChocAlive! is uncompromising in our standards, using only the highest quality organic ingredients and carefully preparing our products in such a way as to preserve those precious, vital enzymes and nutrients that make ChocAlive! products so inimitably nutritious AND delicious!

Although known to be rich in magnesium and high in antioxidants, conventional chocolate is heated, processed and refined to such a degree that many of these touted healthy components are literally destroyed. While this type of chocolate may taste good, it is usually no longer as nutritious as nature intended it to be. Here's what makes our ChocAlive! products so uniquely healthful:

Prepared at temperatures below 118°F, preserving the integrity of the enzymes, vitamins and minerals of these straight from nature ingredients
Extremely high in antioxidants and magnesium
Contains only wholesome, unprocessed, plant-based sweeteners
Contains NO wheat, gluten, refined sugars or dairy products
Wide variety of flavors and products available without nuts for those with allergies

And here's a good article from msnbc.com on the benefits of raw chocolate. But really - the benefits are not the important part for me. I am a chocolate hog - I always have been. I have been known to eat an entire pound of See's 'nuts & chews' in one sitting and grope for more once the box is empty. So to find raw chocolates - and en ever-expanding selection of brands - emerging in the marketplace - chocolate I can eat without feeling as if I'm going to need to purchase braces to keep my furniture from buckling - is particularly exciting for me. Each ingredient is o so good for you. 

Huzzah for raw chocolate!

3 comments:

troy said...

where can i get it?

Marky Mae Brown said...

I've seen it at Lifethyme in the raw foods section and at Perelandra in the shelves by the cash registers. Mmm-mmm good.

Matthew said...

Could you please prove to me that butter at movie theaters have condensed chicken feet. I can not find any proof that condensed chicken feet even exists. I am very curious.