Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Thee Kombucha Gods Have Answered Our Prayers.

Well look who it is - it's that alien-fighting robot and Ye Olde Pompous Vegan's special friend Jet Jaguar! He's always looking for new treats to share with us over here at YOPV, and he's just uncovered some amazing new beverages shot straight down from Planet X for us to enjoy! 

Everyone knows that Marky Mae is an ardent fan of kombucha. He makes his own, and he guzzles the shit as if his life depended on it. So when Jet Jaguar revealed the news that there were four - yes, four - new flavors of kombucha from those geniuses at GT's Kombucha way out yonder in Beverly Hills - why, Marky Mae dropped everything and went on a mission to find those new elixirs!

A bit of background on kombucha for those of you who aren't familiar with its wonders (from GT's website):
Kombucha is alternately known as a Chinese tea, a plant, or a mushroom. But it's not really any of these. It's a living culture of beneficial microorganisms, and in Kombucha's case, the whole is infinitely greater than the sum of its parts! Our Kombucha is delicately cultured - some liken it to fermentation - for 30 days. During this period, essential nutrients form like active enzymes, viable probiotics, amino acids, antioxidants and polyphenols. All of these combine to create an elixir that immediately works with the body to restore balance and vitality. Kombucha has been used for hundreds of years throughout the world as a daily health tonic. The culture resembles a light brown, tough, gelatinous disk and because it's a living, growing entity, it can regenerate and create new cultures with every batch.

We nurture our Kombucha and bottle it in a loving and peaceful facility in sunny southern California. The Kombucha is coaxed into growing in a warm, dark room - not unlike a womb. We believe that, because Kombucha is a living culture, it can absorb the energy of the people who tend to it. That's why we take special care that the people minding our Kombucha cultures are positive, healthful and respectful of the work. This may sound “new agey,” but we sincerely believe it makes a difference in how our Kombucha tastes and how it makes people feel.

Now, Marky Mae had dinner with some friends tonight at the sassy Vegetarian's Paradise 2 restaurant on West Fourth Street. They sampled the salt and pepper "chicken" tenders, the coconut "shrimp" (OFF THE HOOK), and other delicious vegan dishes that were served piping hot by a friendly waiter who countered the malevolence of the harpy who lingered over the hostess station like a serial killer waiting to strike her next victim. After the meal, Marky Mae and his equally-excited Kombucha Kompanion decided to find these new flavors - and as a special treat, we were going to indoctrinate an as-yet-untainted soul into Thee Kult ov Kombucha!

Off to Whole Foods we went.  Boy was Marky Mae going to be PISSED if he got to that store and there were no samples of the new flavors to be had. He told himself he'd act calm and collected so his friends wouldn't know how painfully devastated he actually was, but he knew that his efforts would be see-through.  

Luckily, he didn't even have to try. All four flavors were accounted for, although he initially thought BOTANIC No. 3 wasn't stocked. (His friend dug through the stacks and found one tucked way way in the back! Now THAT's friendship, y'all.)

Marky Mae bought all four new flavors. His Kombucha Kompanion bought a few of the new ones; she had already tasted the SUPERBERRY variety so that one was old news to her.  And their uninitiated friend - she took the strawberry concoction.

After they all checked out, Marky Mae and Kombucha Kompanion watched excitedly as their friend crossed over to the dark side and took her first ever sip ov Thee Nectar ov thee Godz. She loved it, y'all, and with good reason - the shit is off the motherfucking chain. Yay!

Marky Mae restrained himself, however, from dipping into the new flavors. He wanted to be in the comfort of his own home in case his excitement got out of hand.  So now, here he is with variety #1 being sampled.  And the word is - FUCKING AWESOME, Y'ALL.

Botanic No. 3 features an infusion of elderberry and lavender. Upon first taste, Marky Mae commented, "This tastes like a new age bookstore." And he sticks by that assessment. You know what he means - when you walk into the bookstore and there's that particular smell - that combination of incense, hippie musk, dirt, 'essential oils,' and the dust that cakes books no one is ever going to buy? That's what this tastes like, and it is GOOD

Thumbs up, y'all. More reviews to come. You can't expect Marky Mae to drink four bottles of this shit in one sitting.


jatingc said...

i'm so excited!!! i can't wait to read your reviews of the other 3!!!!!

Marky Mae Brown said...

You didn't get a Botanic No. 3, did you?

verybecca said...

I hate it when you're happy.

jatingc said...

i didn't get a no.3, but i wasn't too worried about it. i love the smell of lavender, but am more picky about when it's used as a food/drink flavoring so i can wait on no.3...esp. after your review.