Thursday, March 26, 2009


The Whole Foods on Houston and Bowery is so totally busted, y'all. Take a gander at that photo - "Vegan Honey Jalapeno Barbeque Seitan." What's wrong with that picture?

It's NOT vegan.

For the people at Whole Foods (and the people at Westerly who argued this point with me recently over their "vegan" sandwiches that were prepared with honey oat bread) - the definition of Vegan is as follows:
A vegan is someone who tries to live without exploiting animals, for the benefit of animals, people and the planet. Vegans eat a plant-based diet, with nothing coming from animals - no meat, milk, eggs or honey, for example. A vegan lifestyle also avoids leather, wool, silk and other animal products for clothing or any other purpose.
Now, I will give Whole Foods credit for trying. THIS Whole Foods, anyway. As I've complained before, the Whole Foods by where I work - they just dump shit out and expect you to sit there and read all the ingredients, printed on teeny-tiny cards, in order to figure out for your damn self whether or not there are offending ingredients in their freshly-prepared comestibles. 

The Whole Foods on Bowery and the one on 24th Street - they take the time to label things they think are vegan. Too bad they're wrong some of the time. Honey is an animal product. (If you would care to read more about honey and why it is not vegan, please click here.) 

So, for a vegan to say, "I'm a vegan but I use honey," is as hypocritical as the fartmouths who say, "I'm a vegetarian but I eat fish." Fish have bones, fish have blood, fish feel pain when you rip them from the water with a hook through their mouths. Therefore, you're NOT a vegetarian. 

The same goes for bees and vegans. 

Vegans, for the most part, made this choice because they respect all life (and respect doesn't necessarily mean that they LIKE all life) and do not want to cause harm to any other living creatures either through killing or by subjugating their freedom in order to extract various substances from them, use them as laborers or steal products they make. Keeping bees for honey falls into one or more of these categories.

So Whole Foods - I thank you from the bottom of my heart for making the effort to supply vegan food, but please please please take the time to educate yourselves before calling something vegan. Someone who didn't have the time to read the ingredients could very well have assumed that since it says VEGAN in big green letters, that your use of the word "honey" was just to make that dish sound like one of the many fattening and gristly appetizers they serve at T.G.I. Friday's and other chain restaurants frequented by stupid fatasses.

And I can tell you - there are vegans who would react a hell of a lot more freakishly than I have over this matter, especially if they had actually taken a bite of it before they realized that it contained that stuff. The very last thing you want is an indignant vegan pitching a fit after having been fed an animal product. I've seen it and it ain't fun.


Dimples Doublefist said...


Here in DC, one of their tofu entrees on the hot bar (A FUCKING TOFU ENTREE!!!!) is made with butter. Plus, they also don't label what's vegan, and I bet vegans eat that butter tofu all the time. I hate them so much.

Marky Mae Brown said...

Butter Tofu?!? That just sounds like death... all milky and oily. Gross.