Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Dear Crystal:

I love your name and your low-profile attitude. I love how effortless you are—not to mention how your impact upon the earth is nominal, if not non-existent (You are my hero!). Crystal, you’re such a model citizen--the wind beneath my wings. And, Crystal: The fact that you're vegan really makes me proud and happy.

But, Crystal, I don’t understand your unpredictable ways: one day you’re all about doing what it is you say you’ll do—doing the right thing—and the next I’m left high and dry. Except by high and dry, Crystal, I mean wet and stinky.

Why do you have to be so fickle, Crystal?

I don’t want us to part ways, Crystal. Most of the time, I think we are really good for each other—that is, until I get hot or stressed out like today. I want our relationship to last a long time, but for that to happen, Crystal, you need to meet me half way. That’s all I ask.




Marky Mae Brown said...

I have used that shit every day for the past 20 years and I love love love love LOVE IT. (I use the spray variety because the actual rock as, on more than one occasion, gotten sharp after weeks of use and cut me when I apply it - and that is not a pleasant way to start the morning).

Dimples Doublefist said...

I love it...sometimes. Yesterday, Crystal pissed me off.

Marky Mae Brown said...

I know the feeling. Sometimes I catch whiffs of business that shouldn't be happening and rue the day I became a hippie.

Dimples Doublefist said...

I just don't understand why Crystal loves me 98% of the time, and 2% of the time she tells me to go fuck myself. What kind of sense does that make?

Marky Mae Brown said...

She's a bitch.