Friday, January 16, 2009

Why Can't I Stop Eating?

by Marky Mae Brown

I try and I try and I try. But I can't stop eating. As a yogi, I'm supposed to be balancing my channels, making sure that the greed from the left and the bitterness from the right smooth themselves out in perfect harmony through the central, or sushumna channel. Yet get me around food, and my left channel says, "Let me at it!"

Take, for example, my recent obsession with Solstice Goji Bars. These bastards are GOOD. Dark chocolate and peanut butter and dark chocolate and cherry and almond are the only varieties that I've tried - but they are both jam-packed with chocolate fabulousness and I can't go through a single day without consuming at least one - and sometimes two - of these fat, highly-caloric fuckers.

I am hoping that this is only residual glee at returning to the United States after 2-plus weeks in a developing country where the only food I had access to was white rice. I hope that soon I'll be back to normal instead of gorging myself on everything that's not nailed down. But really, who am I kidding? I've always been a hog and I probably always will be one. My channels are and always have been out of balance, and it's going to take more than yoga to fix that.

Meanwhile, check out these bad boys:
Dark Chocolate and Peanut Butter Bar
Our best selling bar, the Dark Chocolate & Peanut Butter Goji Bar is a meal in itself…

Of course, dark chocolate and peanut butter is a delectably classic combination, but the addition of dried apples, toasted cashews, and (of course) goji berries takes them to the next level of wholesome, lip smacking goodness.

Aside from being delicious, the DCPB is a nutrition powerhouse, with 6 grams of fiber, 9 grams of protein, 11 grams of whole grains, 800mg of omega-3’s, and a full day’s supply of antioxidants! Great for school lunches or a quick bite while running errands, you get a slow-release source of energy that lasts and lasts…!
Dark Chocolate, Cherry & Almond Bar
A chewy, fruity bar, our DCCA combines goji berries with the richness of Callebaut dark chocolate, the tangy chew of Bing cherries, and the sweet nutty flavor of ground almonds.

And with all that flavor, it doesn’t skimp on nutrition. Each bar has 6 grams of fiber, 7 grams of protein, 11 grams of whole grains, 1000mg of omega-3’s, and a full day’s supply of antioxidants! Perfect as a quick breakfast, it’s equally delicious heated up and topped with low-fat frozen yogurt as an ooey-gooey treat. “Stealth Health”, we call it…
Whatever they call it, the shit is deee-licious.


Slide said...

so what's the downside? How many calories? I'm going to Elephant Pharmacy today and I'm gonna look those suckers up.

Marky Mae Brown said...

There ain't no downside as far as I can tell... they're just plain good.