Saturday, January 17, 2009

Mongo Like Candy... (part 4)

Holy Crap, y'all. Mongo - the eating machine who will blithely cram anything that even slightly passes as "candy" down his bottomless and greedy gullet - has just discovered what has got to be the perfect candy. Yes. 

The. Perfect. Candy.

Now, if you're like Mongo, you're conflicted about a few things: how to be a glutton - gorging on anything that's not nailed down - and at the same time tread lightly on our planet.  

So when Mongo was just at Ye Olde Healthfoods Kiosk in the West Village - yes, Lifethyme, that purveyor of fine hippie comestibles on Sixth Avenue - he decided to splurge. But splurge responsibly.

Mongo hasn't eaten candy in quite a while. But Mongo's got a freelance project coming up, so he's stress-eating. (Fuck off. It helps soothe his frazzled nerves.)

That's when he saw it - 

Gnosis Chocolate Coconut Almond. Now, nothing makes Mongo freak the fuck out faster than coconut, chocolate and almond. So he snatched this shit up faster than Whitney Houston snatches up crackrock. Bam!

Mongo rushed out of that store with his package of earth-friendly snacks, barely able to contain himself from ripping into the Hippie Goodness that was calling to him from his hemp fabric satchel.

And let me tell you - you can't get more hippie-ish and environmentally correct than this little number up in here. Mongo finally got home, sat down and read the packaging on this bitch.

He felt as if he were attending a Rainbow Gathering right in his very own living room - THAT'S how much this product cares about the environment. Observations made while reading the packaging:
  • Raw, vegan, organic, handmade, no refined sugar
  • 10% of all profits are donated to The Fruit Tree Planting Foundation
  • The box is 100% recycled paper
  • The labels are made from corn
  • "Let's support companies that work hard to improve the health of our bodies, our society, and our planet!" says the packaging. Namaste, y'all.
And this company makes about 927,865 other sensuous flavors - Mayan Heat, Vanilla Hazelnut, Blackberry Mint, Orange Blossom, and Almond Fig Spice, just to name a few of these fly-ass bad boys.

Not able to hold out any longer, Mongo snatched into this dark chocolate love goddess and sampled the bliss.

Well Mongo can tell you this much. This shit is off the chain. OFF THE CHAIN. You want to know what it tastes like? It tastes like a motherfucking Mounds.  You know, "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't"? Yes. That's what it tastes like. 

Plus, it doesn't have any artificial shit in it, leave a waxy film in your mouth, come wrapped in plastic, or exploit cows or other animaux up in here. 

In other words, the shit is good. Mongo has spoken. Go get one.

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