Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Let me introduce you to your new friend, the cauliflower.

by Dimples Doublefist

This is serious, y'all. I am going to give you the Best Recipe Ever. Unfortunately, I did not make this one up. Plus, I am not going to tell you who did, but suffice to say a very talented chef came up with this one; I have adapted the recipe slightly (I am a bigger fan of spice and garlic). It's one of the most delicious things I've ever stuffed my face with. It's easy and fairly quick, too. This is the recipe that I make at least once a week---because it's amazing.

Look, I know you are thinking that cauliflower is bullshit. 

But let me tell you - it's not. If you associate it with white trash crudite dipped in Ranch Dressing, then you are sadly missing out on its ability to make your mouth sing. And yes, I know what you're thinking: another boring pasta dish. How totally inane. You can shove that attitude up your ass, too - you'll eat those words!

The cauliflower is good for you. It has lots of fiber, folate and vitamin C. Just look at this: "the compound indole-3-carbinol, which appears to work as an anti-estrogen, appears to slow or prevent the growth of tumors of the breast and prostate. Cauliflower also contains other glucosinolates besides sulfurophane, substances which may improve the liver's ability to detoxify carcinogenic substances. A high intake of cauliflower has been found to reduce the risk of aggressive prostate cancer." [Courtesy of our friends at Wikipedia:] Cauliflower will ensure that all your junk keeps working well into old age!

Anyway, so here's the recipe. Cook this shit up tonight. Be prepared to want to eat it the next night and the night after that.

Spicy Cauliflower and Onions with Linguine

Olive Oil
I head Cauliflower (if you are lazy or lame, buy a bag of frozen florets)
1 large Vidalia onion
1 large can of plum tomatoes
5 cloves of fresh garlic (granulated actually works fine, too)
1 heaping tablespoon of hot pepper flakes
3/4 cup of yellow, Hunza raisins (they sell these at Whole Foods in the bulk section--and if you can't find them, regular yellow raisins will suffice)
1/2 cup pine nuts

Saute the cauliflower florets in a generous amount of olive oil until cooked---about 10 minutes. Add a little more olive oil and add chopped Vidalia onion to the pan, cooking until translucent---about 5 minutes. Then sprinkle hot pepper flakes, a generous amount of salt and pepper, and add garlic. Stir around pot for a couple of minutes. Then add pine nuts, yellow raisins and dump the jar of tomatoes in. Use a spatula to break the tomatoes up and stir the dish well. Taste to see if you've added enough salt and pepper. On low, let the sauce simmer for about 10 minutes.

Serve right away over linguine.

This recipe probably serves 4-5 normal people. Or three over-eating vegans.

Bon Appetit!


This is an excellent dinner party recipe because people will think you worked really hard and are really talented---and you won't have to break a nail over this recipe.


Dimples Doublefist said...

No one ever believes me when I talk about how good this is.

Marky Mae Brown said...

I still haven't tried it, but that's because I am the laziest vegan on the face of the planet. If it takes more preparation than opening a can, I just can't be bothered. I will try it though, honest!

Dimples Doublefist said...

The thing is, it IS almost as easy as opening a fucking can!

Marky Mae Brown said...

All right, I have no excuses.

Marky Mae Brown said...

How much, by the way, would you consider a "generous amount" of olive oil?

Dimples Doublefist said...

That depends on how fat/oil-phobic you are, and how big the head of cauliflower is.

If it's small-ish head of cauliflower, I would recommend a few tablespoons. You can really use as less, and there will be some flavor sacrifice, by using some vegetable broth (or even water) in its place. Plus, I make it in a non-stick skillet, but that's not necessary either.

I really prefer the final product when I use 3-4 tablespoons of olive oil. It looks like a lot, but on the other hand, this actually makes a lot of sauce.

Another tip: you can use the leftover sauce and serve it over a baked potato the next day. It's fabulous.

One last thing: I go crazy with the hot pepper flakes, and use way more than I tell people to.

Marky Mae Brown said...

"Dimples Doublefist." HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Thanks for the advice. I'm going to try it.

Dimples Doublefist said...

Very few people have actually listened to me. "Cauliflower?," they say, with a smug look on their face. But the ones who have thank me profusely (even though, like I said, it's not "my" recipe).

Marky Mae Brown said...

I love cauliflower, myself. I think it's awesome.