Saturday, January 3, 2009

Attack of the Killer Chinchillas!

Wow, I don't even know where to start with this one. I have abhorred this posturing, preening, flitting, prissy asshole for years and years, and I didn't even KNOW he was this stupid. 

Yes, y'all. I am talking about fashion icon and all-around idiot Mr. Karl Lagerfeld, the man responsible for turning Chanel into a line of clothing so ugly, tacky and garish that even strippers would be embarrassed to be seen in public in it.

Are you ready for this? 

Here we go. 

Mr. Karl Lagerfeld says it's okay to wear fur because, and this is a direct quotation, the "beasts would kill us if they could." 

Can you imagine a chinchilla gnawing you to death? Can you picture a mink, its mouth about the size of the tip of your pinky, chewing on you until you were dead? No? I can't either. 

The circular logic in the statement is baffling, but the entire interview leaves one with the realization that Mr. Lagerfeld simply must be suffering from the last stages of dementia, drooling onto a couture bib as someone spoons him some mashed peas.

The main issue, however, is this - who cares whether or not a fox, rabbit, mink, chinchilla, and yes - dog or cat (if you think dogs and cats aren't used as fur, you're fooling yourself) - would attack and "eat" us if they had the chance? We have evolved to the point where we are able to make conscious decisions based on what is right and wrong. Raising an animal in filthy conditions, neglecting it, leaving it to spend its life in a cage, just so some stupid cunt can wear its fur after you've anally electrocuted it, is WRONG. It is just plain wrong. 

Mr. Lagerfeld, 75, bleated out his idiotic views on fur in a recent interview, stating that in a world that eats meat and wears leather it is "childish" even to discuss whether or not fur is okay. He went on to argue that, of course fur is okay because there are people who make their living from it. Guess what, you limp-wristed dipshit - there are people who make their living selling drugs to kids. Does that make it okay? Use your brain, and stop using that fucking fan. You look like an asshole.
The Chanel supremo said it was "childish" to even discuss the issue of wearing fur in a world where eating meat was normal.

German-born Lagerfeld, 75, a contemporary of the late Yves Saint Laurent, said that he did not himself wear fur. But he defended the practice, saying there was "an industry who lives from that".

Hunters in the north "make a living having learnt nothing else than hunting", he said, "killing those beasts who would kill us if they could."
The fudge-packing fashionista* made himself sound even stupider by saying he "gets queasy" around meat and can't eat it unless it doesn't look like meat.
"I can hardly eat meat because it has to look like something what it was not when it was alive," he said.

(Read the whole article HERE and realize what a schmegeggy this shithead is.)
But it's okay to pick up a small, helpless animal by its tail and smash its head against the ground until it's dead or at least to the point where it won't struggle while you rip its skin off. That's acceptable to Mr. Lagerfeld.

Fur is gross. Mr. Lagerfeld is gross. I can't even award him the coveted Douche Alert Award, because he's just too egregiously stupid for that one. This rambling nincompoopery goes to a new level of assholeism that few ever achieve. 

Inane Cunt Award, perhaps? Bloviating Buttplug Award, maybe? If you can think up a better name for his personal award, please let me know. I'm all ears.

(* I am allowed to make fun of him in this manner because I am gay and therefore immune to accusations of homophobia. And I'm allowed to make fun of him in this manner because he deserves it.)

4 comments:

Brainsugar said...

I think awarding him The Golden Douchebag Award is appropriate. Hid douchebaggery has transcended mere asinine comments and infuriating ads - he has taken douchebaggery to another level entirely. He has in other words, set the Gold Standard. Thanks, Karl - and fuck you!

Misty Snatchwrath said...

The fingerless gloves with rings around the upper knuckles just take him to a new level of idiocy for which he must be severely punished. Those gloves are GROSS! I hope he gets his geriatric hands caught in a meat grinder.

Shawna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shawna said...

i agree wit u a 100% on ths topic its not right to kill somethn cute and harmless