Monday, November 3, 2008

Broadway Doesn't Go for Booze or Dope.

by Dimples Doublefist

I am not an alcoholic. In fact, before a year ago, I probably consumed a sum-total of ten alcoholic beverages per year, over the course of two nights. That's because I do like being drunk, but only twice per year.

That's changed since moving to Washington, DC--a place that's inspired me to give up some bad habits and to pick up news ones. I have, more or less, stopped my flirtation with cigarettes (meaning I don't smoke a few cigarettes every month or so); unfortunately, I now--like everyone else here--drink for fun.

I used to just go out and get cocktails---gay drinks that contain no fewer than five fruit juices, a splash of seltzer and some kind of designer booze. I love this variety of cocktail, no matter how declasse and trashy. But things have taken a turn for the worse: I now drink a lot of Trader Joe's wine. And I love it.

Blame it on Sarah Palin: as soon as that moose-hating tyrant was catapulted onto the national stage, I found myself embracing the Two-Buck Chuck Shiraz. And even though Two Buck Chuck actually costs $3, what do I care? It tastes good and does the trick.

The shiraz is heaven-like nectar: a little bit sweet and smooth as a baby's bottom. It's mother's little helper that's gotten me through the horrors of the general election with a relaxing ease.

I recommend a bottle or two on hand for tomorrow.

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