Friday, October 3, 2008

Whole Foods Strikes Back

There are many things to hate about the Whole Foods in Columbus Circle:

  • It's in Columbus Circle

  • It's packed with rich, self-important dildoes who excel at being obnoxious, either intentionally or otherwise, and generally have 2-5 screeching babies and/or toddlers in tow

  • Most importantly - and this is the ONLY Whole Foods in New York City guilty of this egregious offense - they do NOT label which items in their deli and buffet section are vegan. Every other Whole Foods has a dark green label above their items' ingredient lists that states 'VEGAN' if, in fact, the items are vegan. Why does this one have to be the lone offender? Why is it so hard to accommodate vegans in a fucking health food store?!?

  • So it is easy to say, this is not a pleasant place. Trying to maneuver through the ocean of dipshits that filters through this kiosk of the damned is about as fun as being told your test results won't come back for another two weeks. 

    I was about at the end of my hippie-food rope when I spotted something here that no other Whole Foods, at least to my knowledge, has - vegan desserts from Candle 79. Now, I've never been to Candle 79 - but most vegans in New York City, and some NOT from New York City (like my co-author Jiggles) have ululated endlessly about this place and its otherworldly ability to create food bordering on erotic.

    Now, I'm on a dessert sabbatical at the moment. As you may have read in past posts, I went a little overboard with the desserts, and Mr. Waistline suffered tremendously. However, to further the cause, I purchased one of these divine concoctions. There were several to choose from - Chocolate tart, chocolate peanut butter tart, some fruit tart shit, and some other fruit tart shit.

    Fuck fruit - I wanted the chocolate.

    I don't really know what to say about this except, "Holy fucking balls." One of the best desserts I've had... voluptuous chocolate in a subtle, delicious crust. Smooth, creamy, god damn divine.

    It's a good thing going into that Columbus Circle Whole Foods gives me hives, otherwise I'd be eating one of these motherfuckers every day, and then where would I be? Fat and poor.

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