Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Brigitte.


Shazam!

Former sexpot film star turned animal rights activist Brigitte Bardot busted a big time move on Sarah "Pig Fucker" Palin in a rebarbative memo sent Tuesday:

"By denying the responsibility of man in global warming, by advocating gun rights and making statements that are disconcertingly stupid, you are a disgrace to women and you alone represent a terrible threat, a true environmental catastrophe," wrote Bardot.
and:
In a final salvo against Palin, the 74-year-old ex-star picked up on Palin's depiction of herself as a pitbull wearing lipstick and said she "implored" her not to compare herself to dogs.
"I know them well and I can assure you that no pitbull, no dog, nor any other animal for that matter is as dangerous as you are," Bardot wrote.
God damn! Let's not get on this lady's bad side... she ain't fucking around.

Meanwhile, if anyone deserves to be trashed, it's Sarah Palin. Her blatant, unrepentant ignorance and lies are a disgrace to democracy and to the world. Should she be allowed to ascend to the vice-presidency, we might as well just quit because we will have failed.

Read the article here.

Extinct.


This is the Holdridge's Toad - once a denizen of Costa Rica's rain forests. Despite regular searches for remaining members of this species, the last recorded sighting was in 1986. The International Union for the Conservation of Nature declared it extinct this month.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Help, please.


Okay, this is serious. This is no longer just a "tree hugger's whining" - this is life or death. A new study shows that half - yes, HALF - of the world's mammal species are endangered. We've got to act on this immediately. We've got to rethink the way we live, stop being so greedy, end the destruction of these animals' habitats and ecosystems.

I don't want to have to explain to children of the future that these animals were once here but aren't anymore because we were just too lazy to figure shit out. This is for real and we all need to work toward a viable solution to this devastating problem.

If you're talking to someone about this and they say they "don't care" - you have my permission to hit them really hard.

BARCELONA, Spain - One in two mammal species on Earth are in decline and at least one in four are at risk of disappearing forever, according to a scientific survey released Monday and whose sponsors described the trend as an "extinction crisis" in the making.

"Mammals are declining faster than we thought," said Jan Schipper, lead author of a companion study being published this week in the journal Science.

The International Union for Conservation of Nature released the data compiled by 1,700 experts in 130 countries, adding that the numbers could be even worse given that data was lacking for hundreds of mammal species.
and:
In South and Southeast Asia, 79 percent of primate species are threatened with extinction, the IUCN noted.
You can read the whole article here.

Can you imagine what the world will be like as we sit back and watch these animals just disappear? What will be left? I don't want to think about it. But I have to. We ALL do. Our actions are what will decide the fates of these beautiful animals.

What's more important - a new housing complex or the survival of a species?

Saturday, October 4, 2008

How do these people sleep at night?


Our Vice-president, Mr. Dick (DICK) Cheney, had this to say recently:

"As all of you know very well, President Bush made wildlife conservation an early and a high priority of his administration. We’ve carried out that commitment in these eight years — and we’ve been proud to have people like you as partners in the enterprise.

The men and women in this room understand what conservation is all about. It means reverence toward creation, and a commitment to faithful stewardship. It means guarding our spectacular wildlife populations — not just for our own time, but for all time.
As anyone who reads, thinks, speaks, or has opposable thumbs KNOWS, it is a defendable fact that the Bush Administration has done everything in its POWER to remove protections from animals, destroy the Environmental Protection Act, make it easier for protected lands to be drilled for oil, and see to it that all bunnies, puppies, tarsiers, marmosets, newts, roaches, and cows are shot dead until the only living things left are fat, stupid Republicans.

Seriously - the lies these people have told and continue to spew are so horrid and evil that it's a wonder they haven't imploded from all the bad karma they're creating. The next administration - as long as it's the one that will actually DO anything about this stuff - is going to have one seriously immense job on its hands. The world is getting closer and closer to being permanently screwed; we need people to do something about it, not just lie and pretend everything's okay.

Read this. And then this.

When are we going to stop TALKING about saving the planet and actually SAVE IT? We can have all the "thinktanks" and coffee klatches and summits we want, but that's not going to stop species from dying and forests from being depleted. Action is needed, and it is needed RIGHT NOW.

I have enough.

We have so much here and are so ungrateful.

Vegan Treats R Mmm-MMM Good.


by Dimples Doublefist

Every vegan already knows that the best, most trashy, decadent and delicious baked goods are made by Vegan Treats--a bakery in Bethlehem, PA. Until a couple of months ago, unless you lived in New York City (or, obviously, PA) you were, as the saying goes, shit out of luck.

Two things have recently happened, one of which is completely fucked up: Vegan Treats now delivers to Washington, DC and Sticky Fingers, Washington DC's crap-tastic vegan bakery has opened a store in NYC. But we are here to focus on the former, not the latter, because the latter is very bad news, because Sticky Fingers is disgusting--the shame of vegan baked goods.

That's right: some of Vegan Treats' specialties--like the brownies, cream-stuffed cookies and cheesecakes--are available at Java Green and Busboys and Poets. They are not only better than Sticky Fingers, they are less expensive, too.

I only get my panties in a wad over one item, however; and it's something that's so good and perfect, I am left breathless and heaving every time I eat it: The Chocolate Peanut Butter Mousse Bomb.

I know that's kind of an obnoxious name for a mere brownie. But, oh, I forgot!: This is no mere brownie! Just look at that pregnant plop of mousse sitting there on that gooey chocolate mass--all rich and chewy, just like your momma didn't make. So what if it's the vegan equivalent to a Double Whopper with large fries?

This baby is fierce and you should go eat one now.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Whole Foods Strikes Back

There are many things to hate about the Whole Foods in Columbus Circle:

  • It's in Columbus Circle


  • It's packed with rich, self-important dildoes who excel at being obnoxious, either intentionally or otherwise, and generally have 2-5 screeching babies and/or toddlers in tow


  • Most importantly - and this is the ONLY Whole Foods in New York City guilty of this egregious offense - they do NOT label which items in their deli and buffet section are vegan. Every other Whole Foods has a dark green label above their items' ingredient lists that states 'VEGAN' if, in fact, the items are vegan. Why does this one have to be the lone offender? Why is it so hard to accommodate vegans in a fucking health food store?!?


  • So it is easy to say, this is not a pleasant place. Trying to maneuver through the ocean of dipshits that filters through this kiosk of the damned is about as fun as being told your test results won't come back for another two weeks. 

    I was about at the end of my hippie-food rope when I spotted something here that no other Whole Foods, at least to my knowledge, has - vegan desserts from Candle 79. Now, I've never been to Candle 79 - but most vegans in New York City, and some NOT from New York City (like my co-author Jiggles) have ululated endlessly about this place and its otherworldly ability to create food bordering on erotic.

    Now, I'm on a dessert sabbatical at the moment. As you may have read in past posts, I went a little overboard with the desserts, and Mr. Waistline suffered tremendously. However, to further the cause, I purchased one of these divine concoctions. There were several to choose from - Chocolate tart, chocolate peanut butter tart, some fruit tart shit, and some other fruit tart shit.

    Fuck fruit - I wanted the chocolate.

    I don't really know what to say about this except, "Holy fucking balls." One of the best desserts I've had... voluptuous chocolate in a subtle, delicious crust. Smooth, creamy, god damn divine.

    It's a good thing going into that Columbus Circle Whole Foods gives me hives, otherwise I'd be eating one of these motherfuckers every day, and then where would I be? Fat and poor.

    Thursday, October 2, 2008

    Do the Hunza!


    Let me tell you what - this raw food is mad expensive, yo. It is an unfortunate fact, however, that I absolutely love - and I mean LOVE - raw food. I love it. Sure, some of it tastes like coffee grounds in the compost - and yes, a lot of it is even more fattening than its cooked counterpart - but I still love it. I love the concept of it and the fact that, by its very nature, it makes me at least pretend to be a better and healthier person.

    Meanwhile, I don't have time for a lot of these raw food shenanigans. I don't have time for things to sprout or soak or decompose or dehydrate or any of those other processes one must go through in order to make any of this shit even slightly palatable. Therefore, as with regular food, I have turned to the "fast food" version of raw foods - and that generally entails really expensive, yet delicious, "on the go" treats.

    My favorite for quite some time has been the Go Take a Hike! trail mix as presented by our friends at International Harvest.
  • goji berries
  • mulberries
  • golden raisins
  • cacao nibs
  • cashews
  • pistachios
  • Throw all those motherfuckers together and you've got a combination of comestibles that, when blended, equals DELICIOUS.

    A word of advice - be sure to shake the fuck out of your sack of Go Take a Hike! to make sure them cacao nibs are evenly dispersed throughout. Otherwise, you're in for a bitter surprise at the bottom of the bag. When mixed with the sweeter dried fruits and nuts, the nibs are divine. Alone, they taste like chalky doom.

    A note to the people at Gohunza.com and every other raw food website - why is it that every single page on your sites EXCEPT the ones from which you can earn money are perpetually "under construction"? Are you too busy dehydrating rain forest-friendly fruits to write a god damn paragraph telling us why your product should be eaten? Get the god damn lead out of your asses and get some marketing skills. Jesus.

    "You Need Not Think Alike To Love Alike." - Francis David

    Hippie-ism. I had no choice in the matter.

    Take a gander, y'all. This is the kind of shit Marky Mae Brown was raised on. I used to watch this program every Sunday before my parents would whisk me away to that den of liberalism and sin known a the Unitarian Universalist United Fellowship (formerly the Francis David Unitarian Universalist Fellowship). There, I was exposed to free-thinking and radical ideas like love, kindness, community organization, helping the impoverished, working for world peace. There, I discovered what it means to care about something deeply, to strive for unity despite differences.

    This program was clearly made before the Reagan Era destroyed the last remnants of the "peace and love" movement, ushering in mass market consumption and greed - an unpleasant and overpowering trap we still find ourselves in today, perhaps more so than ever before.

    I doubt very highly that a program like this could be made today - there's no place for licensed products here. I'm glad I was brought up when I was. My eyes were opened to things a lot of today's kids will never see. We seem bent on driving home the "us vs. them" mentality of the Bush I and II regimes. I wonder if we'll ever escape that stupid, backward thinking and once again attempt to realize that, underneath it all, we're just people.

    Wednesday, October 1, 2008

    Happy World Vegetarian Day, y'all.

    Yes, today has been declared World Vegetarian Day - a celebration for those of us who are able to move past the instant gratification of hogging down (get it?) a piece of bacon or getting a McRibs from the McDonald's drive-thru and see that meat consumption, farming and production is cruel, unnecessary and harmful to the planet. So to all y'all out there who are down with the tofu pups instead of the real thing - I say, "bust a move" and thank you for helping to make the world a kinder, gentler place.

    For those of you who are NOT vegetarians - why don't you just try it for a day? You'll feel better, you'll be gaining good karma by practicing a little bit of the old ahimsa, you'll be saving animals' lives, and you won't be contributing to an industry that promotes torture and destroys the environment. Give it a whirl - what's a day gonna do to you?

    Meanwhile...

    Not to be a downer or anything, but this ad pretty much sums up one of the main reasons (and there are several) that I think this Alaskan carbuncle shouldn't be in charge of her own existence, much less the free world. Someone needs to slap this bitch to sleep.

    I'm just sayin'.