Friday, September 19, 2008

Soup Is Good Food.

by Dimples Doublefist

For breakfast and lunch, these are the questions I ask myself (listed in order of importance):

1. Will it make me fat?
2. Is it vegan?
3. Is it inexpensive?
4. Will it make me want to take a nap after I eat it?
5. Will it make me stink?
6. Will it kill my dogs when they finally force me to hand half of it because they've given me the Evil Puppy Dog Eye and abused their telepathic superpowers (that means it can't contain grapes, raisins, chocolate, onions, macadamia nuts or onions).

Like Jennifer Coolidge and my significant other, I eat a hell of a lot of soup; I also do a lot of talking and not talking--especially at work. And I am ashamed to admit it, but a lot of said-soup is Dr. McDougall's Right Foods. Let me just get this embarrassing detail out of the way: it's the kind of soup that's dehydrated, with a pull off top. They are frequently on sale for $1.29, and I keep them well-stocked at work. All I have to do is add hot water and voila!

Here's the thing: these soups do not taste like shit*, but they are not delicious either. They are decent, and I embrace mediocrity in all aspects of life. However, they meet all the important criteria: they are fat free, vegan, cheap, inoffensive, and my dogs LOVE them. They totally go all Lady and the Tramp on the Hot and Sour Noodle Soup; it's precious!

Since all of us may be eating at the soup kitchen together in the very near future, I recommend getting some practice in with Dr. McDougall.

(But stay away from the Split Pea...because it looks like diarrhea. Just sayin'.)

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