Sunday, July 20, 2008

A Trip To the Zoo with Marky Mae Brown

I had this past Friday off (summer hours, you know - what an invention) so I decided to take the opportunity to go to the Bronx Zoo to see their Madagascar exhibit, as it's running only through July 27th.

I'm going to Madagascar in October, y'all, in order to see one of the world's most incredible and unusual places before it is totally destroyed by slash and burn agriculture and human stupidity, so I wanted to see this exhibit as a taste of what was to come.

Well, let me tell you what - those lemurs are about the cutest fucking things I've ever seen. The way they leap, almost as if they're made of springs, from branch to branch is a wonder to watch.

Of course, since they're beautiful, awesome animals it's only logical that they're highly endangered. Only 10% - yes, you read that correctly - TEN PERCENT - of Madagascar's natural rainforest remains, and that is being depleted to this day. So I'm going to see it before it's gone.


Back to the zoo. I noticed when we arrived that there was also a Congo Gorilla exhibit. I wanted to see that as well, since the ASSHOLES in the Congo are illegally logging the Congo rainforest and slaughtering gorillas along the way, despite the fact that the Democratic Republic of the Congo has its army in the rainforest to stop such acts.

The rampant crime and destruction happening in the Congo right now is as disgusting as anything else going on in the world. When people wake up to their actions, it will be too late - everything will be gone.

Gorillas. Who would kill one? Only a person devoid of any shred of humanity.

Meanwhile, in the exhibit, I naturally had to put up with the human detritus that makes up the general audience in such an attraction. Disinterested parents dragged their whining children, who would much rather have been home playing their Wiis, from one animal to another, saying dreary things like "Wow, he fat," or "damn, that nasty."

They retained absolutely nothing of what they saw, clutching their enormous plastic souvenir "sippy cups" to their chests because material goods are far more important than the beautiful animals that have been snatched from their homes for our "benefit."

And then a miracle happened. We were walking along in the Gorilla barn, watching a mother gorilla frolic with her two young'ns. She decided to stroll away from her children and came up closer to the glass, facing away from the crowd. Then she started to go to the bathroom.

"She poopin! She POOPIN!" a stupid woman started screaming. The gorilla placed its hand very carefully at the point of exit and was catching the green, fibrous turd as it slid forth.

"Ooh, perhaps we'll get to see it fling that at someone," I silently mused, noting that monkeys in general love throwing their shit at things that get on their nerves.

No such luck. As the shrieking dingbat woman, a very large group of tourists, losers and an overly-perfumed old woman in rhinestone glasses looked on, the gorilla took its freshly extracted turd and blithely placed it into its mouth, swallowing in one big bite, and then sauntered away.

One hungry gorilla.

Incontravertible proof that we are directly related to these gorillas. Her act of stupidity was about two steps down the evolutionary ladder from the acts of sheer ignorance and horror we unleash on a daily basis, only hers was an ecologically sound one - she was adhering to the "reduce, reuse, recycle" mantra.

And she managed to offend a very large group of assholes, for which I thank her profusely.

After this delightful show, we perambulated over to the Madagascar kiosk and enjoyed the lemurs, hissing cockroaches, fossas, sifakas, crocodiles, and tomato frogs.

I felt sad for the animals in their cages, though in hindsight I suppose they're better off than many. These gorillas and lemurs are getting pampered and served free food while their counterparts in the wild are struggling to survive at the greedy, idiotic hands of their distant cousins - us.

We fucking suck.

Lemur. Just look at that punim.


n69n said...

i wanna see the crocogators

Shondra Schnikelfritz said...

Oooh, she poopin'!

Dexter "Misty" LaRue said...

"Misty" cannot bear to see animals in cages. "Misty" cannot even bear to think about it, but I won't deny that I don't want to see them. That photo you have with the lemur behind the wire is just heart-breaking.

Dexter "Misty" LaRue said...

I can't believe you went to a zoo AND saw Wall-e in one weekend. I can only imagine you've had to have some vegan cheesecake and maybe a little vegan gelato.

Marky Mae Brown said...

I actually just ate a container of chocolate chip good karma rice foam AND a piece of cherry vanilla cake from ye olde baked goodes department at Lifethyme on Sixth Avenue and aside from the fact that I feel like I'm going to barf and the knowledge that drowning my sorrows in baked goods and frozen deee-lites is NOT going to make me any happier, just fatter - well, I still feel like shit.

beccerz said...

Awwww you said 'punim'! :D

CocteauBoy said...

ohhhh zoos. NOT a fan. i won't be visiting one anytime soon.

the last time i visited a zoo, it was to educate those who stood in line about how their choice to support it causes much more harm than good.



Marky Mae Brown said...

I'm not a fan either, especially now.