Friday, July 11, 2008

More sad news to report.

I have just been to a divine lunch at Wild Ginger Pan Asian Vegan Cafe on Broome Street with my friends Gina and Lea, both vegan, visiting from Washington, D.C.

Gina and I both had the black pepper seitan and Lea had the sweet citrus soy protein. An all around fabulous meal. Then I suggested we waddle up Broome St. to Babycakes, a famous vegan bakery. I had never been there, and I know that Gina loves to try anything vegan, so over there we went, ready to get our vegan groove on with some fly-ass baked goods.

I purchased three things: a piece of chocolate crumb cake, a vanilla spelt flour agave-sweetened cupcake, and a chocolate agave-sweetened cupcake.

Now, I was very excited about these things. Agave-sweetened items don't give you that horrid sugar crash you get after you eat things sweetened in other ways, and agave, when used PROPERLY, sweetens just as effectively as sugar.

Well, I ran screaming back to my office, ready to bite into the infectious goodies that countless people have said, "You simply MUST try," so that I could finally say, "Yes, I have eaten a Babycakes cake and YES - it is everything everyone says it is. Pure HEAVEN."

So up the elevator I went, rounding the bend, slamming my door, getting out my fork (I wash and reuse it and y'all can fuck off if you think that's gross - I'm not just doing it for me, I'm doing it for YOU) and stabbed it into that gorgeous-looking crumb cake that was drizzled in glistening and alluring chocolate sauce.

Nothing. Where was the flavor? Sure it was moist and delightfully-textured, but this thing - it was like taking a bite of air. No flavor. And when I say NO flavor, I mean NONE. No detectable chocolate flavor, even in the sauce. I begrudgingly ate it because it cost about as much as a new car, but damn.

Then we moved on to the chocolate cupcake. Remember when you were a kid playing in the sandbox and accidentally got some in your mouth? That was the consistency of this little motherfucker. Dry, dry, dry. Arid. Like the desert, this cupcake was. And its taste was about as pleasant as sticking one of those 9-volt batteries on your tongue. Feh. I couldn't get through it.

So now we moved on to the vanilla - perhaps there was some saving grace for this place. Alas... the vanilla was just as bland and dry as the chocolate. The icing's consistency was akin to mayonnaise and there was an otherworldly toxic aftertaste to the entire thing. An all-out downer, that's what this vanilla cupcake was.

And yet there was a huge line of people in there clamoring to get their hands on these undigestable comestibles. Are they erroneously assuming that because it's vegan it has to taste gross, allowing themselves to eat crap because they think it's healthier?

Because I can assure you from personal experience that vegan baked goods do NOT have to taste like the way a vitamin store smells. They have the ability to taste just as good as their dairy and egg-laden counterparts. I've baked them myself - I know.

Babycakes - thumbs down, y'all. Steer clear.

1 comment:

Vegan Poutine Lover said...

Amen. That shit is nasty.