Thursday, March 27, 2008

"An artist is somebody who produces things that people don't need to have." - Andy Warhol

My take on modern art is pretty simple - most of it is shit.

If you put a paintbrush in Stevie Wonder's hand and led him over to a canvas, he could create something comparable to most of the insipid paint smears and splashes littering galleries across the world these days. Give a monkey some wire and styrofoam balls, and it would construct something that, if "masterminded" by the right artist, could very well be a centerpiece in the new New Museum.

Take, for example, the piece entitled 'Blue Green Red' in the Metropolitan Museum of Art's permanent collection here in New York City. Make no mistake - this artist took sixteen seconds to come up with that design. It represented nothing when he came up with it. It looks like something you'd find in the bathroom section at Target.

But I can guarantee you that multitudes of pseudo-intellectual aesthetes stand back from it with squinting eyes, pondering for several minutes before blathering to their companions about how it "works subtly to break societal norms" or "denies God's existence through simplicity and contrast of color."

Throw words together in a pompous and meaningless way, and you too can be an art critic. Take, for example, this arrogant concoction:

At once intimate and spectacular, Abdessemed’s work aims to convert the banal into the dramatic. Transforming everyday materials and images into unexpected and sometimes shocking expressions, his inventive gestures, as if by alchemy, work to undo dominant modes of perception and entrenched sociocultural norms—they work, in short, to generate new relevance for radical ideas and actions. Actively defying social, cultural, moral, and religious taboos, Abdessemed contrives to subvert common sense and knowledge, received wisdom, and established biopolitical systems.
Yes. Some asshole actually got paid to write that, and he/she probably believes that it means something.

The artist to which that creep was referring was Adel Abdessemed, whose current "piece" is installed at the San Francisco Art Institute.

Let's see what our polyp-brained art critic has to say about "Don't Trust Me."
Looped cuts of only a few seconds, the videos offer up gestures and facts, but resist the imposition of narrative constructions or automatic interpretations (whether of the empirically unambiguous or the theoretically savvy kind). The tacit claims for “autonomy” made by such visual language—staccato forms, lights, movements, and immediate experiences—imbue the work with an instantaneous efficiency that circumvents categorization, making typical moral and cultural constraints seem beside the point. Don’t Trust Me portrays six animals—a sheep, a horse, an ox, a pig, a goat, and a doe—being struck and killed by a hammer. Each killing occurs so quickly that it’s difficult to determine definitively what has happened. Do these incidents represent slaughter or sacrifice? What are their social, cultural, moral, and political implications? Or are such questions now verging on irrelevance, as if something else altogether were taking place (or about to), something wholly other, unforeseen, unexpected?
What a crock of fucking shit. Oh, and you read that right. This "art piece" is six videos of six separate animals being hammered to death.

Now, think about the "artistic process" as it takes place these days. This fuckface first had to come up with the idea to hammer in the heads of these various animals. Then, he had to go around pandering to "patrons of the arts" (bored rich people), downing wine and cheese while bloviating about his "belief in revolution" and how it manifests itself through art. Then, he actually had to slaughter these animals on video for no other reason but to put forward his egocentric and stupid view of society, which he could just as easily have done through any other medium of bland, emotionless "modern art." THEN, he had to peddle this bullshit around to the various guilds and museums and galleries of the world. FINALLY, a committee of many people actually valued this piece's intellectual merits enough to make it the main installation in their gallery.

That means there are that many people who are actually able to, beyond all comprehension, detach themselves from the reality that this sick fuck videotaped himself hitting animals on the head with a sledgehammer until they were dead. There were that many stupid, asinine motherfuckers who could actually be conned into thinking that this was art.

If I were to videotape myself shitting out ingested condoms filled with pork medallions, stating that it was my "overriding sense of commitment to extrapolated yet indigenous forms of coalescing varieties of metriculated detachment and gripping modalities expressing themselves through the mediums of biological evacuation and technological permanence," would I get an installation? Would the patrons be so blown away by my creativity and intellectual prowess that they'd offer me a grant?

The GOOD news about this whole fiasco is that enough people who were revolted by the idiotic choices the San Francisco Art Institute made flooded its email server with demands that the exhibit be shut down. The Institute has "temporarily closed" the installation and is going to hold a "public forum" to discuss its merits. Discussion won't bring back that pony, pig, lamb, goat, ox, and deer.

What's to discuss, I'd like to know. You want to discuss something - discuss exactly how you're going to torture that stupid fucking "artist" to the point that he can even attempt to grasp the senseless pain and suffering he inflicted on those animals in order to "convey his vision." I can think of a few, and they would hurt.

Take photographs of tacks spelling the word 'pain' in a watermelon rind. Draw a baby being thrown over a railing. Solder strips of metal together haphazardly like a redneck workin' on hiz truk. Anything. But why the fuck would you actually kill a horse? The video loop is seconds long. SECONDS.

Call it what you want to, but it sure as fuck isn't art.

And for this a horse, and five other animals, died.

1 comment:

Gina said...

Who is that fuck that recently starved a dog to death and called it a performance piece?