Thursday, February 21, 2008

The Moment I wake Up - Before I Put On My Makeup

Tons O' Fun chanteuse Aretha Franklin is making headlines again - this time on PeTA's 'WORST DRESSED 2008' awards.

Aretha the Hutt was chosen as the winning offender for wearing what must have taken well over 200 dead animals - she's got a lot to cover, that lady. After gorging herself for the past several decades on fried goods, cake, pie, Blizzards, Snackwells, Twinkies, and leg of lamb, this once Rubenesque hitmaker has turned into what can only be described politely as a mammoth FAT ASS.

Cheeks chafing, she giddily wraps herself in her yards-long death shroud before going out for a night on the town, and she looks hideous, obnoxious, selfish, and downright grotesque in the process.

Many uninformed jackasses out there post to celebrity blogs that the animals should be "proud" that they're being made famous by these celebrities - uh, do you think a fox, mink, nutria, raccoon dog, or one of those adorable little chinchillas gives a frog's fat ass who's going to be wearing THEIR skin, which was ripped from their bodies while they were potentially still ALIVE?

"Oooh, please, Beyonce! I will happily volunteer to be anally electrocuted knowing that the part of my corpse that hasn't just been thrown in the garbage will be draped across your shoulders in a photo shoot. We'll look fierce!"

I don't think so.

Skinny people look horrific in fur - fat people just look ridiculous. This attempt at glamour does NOT transcend the waistline, Aretha - it just makes you look MORE selfish than the skinny person wearing a comparable wrap of gore and misery.

Other nominees include dipshit faux goth rocker Marilyn Manson, Kylie Minogue (who should know better), that drunken harlot Lindsay Lohan, and a few other cunts and cockholes who should be run over, stabbed, bludgeoned, gassed, and maimed.

Take a gander at PeTA's list here: Assholes Taking Fashion in the WRONG Direction.

And watch Martha Stewart's cute little video on that page. She may be a thieving whore, but she's got heart.

2 comments:

Brainsugar said...

Wearing fur is so NOT fierce! But Martha Stewart is!

sue said...

Hey. I couldn't watch the video. I tried, but just couldn't do it. Hurts my heart too much.