Sunday, February 3, 2008

I Can't Tell You Why



Today is Super Bowl Sunday, a day in which the most horrifying elements of human nature come out in full force. I mean, LOW RENT.

Jackasses will plant themselves in front of their televisions, bowls of corn nuts handy, platters of buffalo wings and nachos draped about, icy tubs of cheesy American piss Beer filled to capacity.

Rednecks and yuppies alike will scream, jump up and down, throw things, get violent and act like a tribe of cavemen celebrating a fresh mastodon kill - it's as in touch with our ancient past as we ever get. Some members of the tribe will even have buffalo sauce caked in their tacky goatees.

Such is the nature of Super Bowl Sunday.

And then comes the news coverage. Who here has noticed that for the past two weeks, the media has been running articles - and I am serious about this - about the fucking Super Bowl commercials? "Super Bowl Ads - who will be the winners?," "Sleaziest Super Bowl Ads of All Time," "Battle of the Super Ads."

WHO FUCKING CARES. Why are you writing about commercials? Why do people even look forward to commercials? I can't tell you how many people have said, "Oh my god, did you see that awesome commercial for (fill in dreary product here) during the Super Bowl?!?" Uh, no, I'd rather have Carol Channing take a pruney dump on my face than sit through that shit.

And it's not the game that bothers me. It's the fans. I absolutely HATE. HATE HATE HATE. Football fans' behavior. Cameras always pan to the shirtless, doughy pills who have painted some ignominious slogan on their slack-titted chests, and they respond appropriately when they see themselves on the big screen - they jump up and down and call like a cow in heat attempting to attract a particularly virulent bull to fill her full of seed.

Ultimately - really - why does it matter which team wins? It is not going to change a god damn thing. Yet tomorrow, some stupid portion of the population is going to be either pissed, despondent, or a combination of both, all because their brain stem-operating muscle thugs didn't win.

And, of course, the game will be big news. As it has been for the past two weeks. It will usurp headlines from things that matter. Like this little gem that's on the front of msnbc (in the corner, small) this morning.

I doubt VERY highly that it will stay in the headlines for long. I am, therefore, posting the link for it here so you can read it after we're all done screaming at a bunch of men in spandex leotards running back and forth for five hours.

ABO EBAM, Nigeria - In the gloomy shade deep in Africa's rain forest, the noontime silence was pierced by the whine of a far-off chain saw. It was the sound of destruction, echoed from wood to wood, continent to continent, in the tropical belt that circles the globe.

From Brazil to central Africa to once-lush islands in Asia's archipelagos, human encroachment is shrinking the world's rain forests.

The alarm was sounded decades ago by environmentalists — and was little heeded. The picture, meanwhile, has changed: Africa is now a leader in destructiveness. The numbers have changed: U.N. specialists estimate 60 acres of tropical forest are felled worldwide every minute, up from 50 a generation back. And the fears have changed.

Read the whole foul, yet typical article HERE.


SIXTY ACRES EVERY MINUTE.

Why does humanity continue to snub its nose at reality? In the face of mass extinction, we cavalierly shamble forward, smug in our commitment to absolute and complete selfishness. It is human nature to disregard that which it knows will lead to its destruction.

"Oh, that won't happen for years," we say to ourselves. And really, what's more important - a verdant reminder of what the earth once looked like, a safe harbor for the dwindling number of species who don't deserve what's happening to them, or a new beef ranch? After all, if we can't get our McDonald's, we'll surely suffer.

Individuals who fear they have cancer or the AIDS refuse to go to doctors, thinking, "If they don't tell me I have it, then maybe I don't have it." And we apparently operate in the same fashion as a species. This reality is going to get more and more disgusting and brutal as this deforestation runs rampant. Big business will ensure these forests', and ultimately this planet's future - and big bank accounts won't do much to fix things at that point.

It's not just happening in the third world, either, although that's where the effects are most deadly. Check this shit out, courtesy of our lovely Simian In Chief:
The Bush administration is opening the red rock country near two of Utah's popular national parks to oil and gas drilling, over the objections of some park rangers in the Southwest and government scientists.

As part of the president's energy plan to expand development on federal lands, 50,000-pound trucks have been pounding the ground between Arches and Canyonlands National Parks, searching for oil with seismic measuring instruments. At the same time, oil companies have bought leases to drill on federal land outside Canyonlands park.

Administration officials say visitors to the parks will barely notice the changes to the land, while national park scientists say the land could take decades to recover from the shock waves of the industrial hammerings.

Read all about that boll weevil's idiot schemes here.
and
Juneau, AK (January 25, 2008) -- Today, the Bush administration took its third swipe in recent weeks at opening protected areas in America’s national forests to logging before it leaves office. A Bush plan announced today puts a “for sale” sign on trees in vast swaths of the nation’s largest national forest – the Tongass rainforest in Alaska.

This move by Bush officials to reverse roadless area protections joins two others made recently in the national forests located in Idaho and Colorado.

“The few remaining roadless areas of our national forests are some of the only safe harbors for America’s wildlife. As global warming threatens to change dramatically the landscape we must have the foresight to preserve these last remaining pristine forests for future generations,” said Mary Beth Beetham at Defenders of Wildlife. “It’s folly for the Bush administration, in its last few months, to work to destroy these areas.”

Read more about this money-hungry drooling idiot's selfish plans here

How can we tell nations responsible for depleting their rain forests to cut that shit out when we're not leading by example? Our leader is happily raping our country for his own gain right along with the rest of the world.

When we've run out of forests and pristine land to destroy, what will they turn to next?

We will have run out of options. Scientists state that life on this planet is unsustainable without the rainforests. So keep chopping those trees down, assholes, and we can all watch each other die. I, for one, think a lot of people deserve it.

So, instead of spending millions of dollars on an ad that is going to run once, how about if some of these stupid companies spent that money to teach these chop-happy schmucks how to farm sustainably? In the long run, I think preserving rain forests is far more important than selling Budweiser, but I'm probably in the minority.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday, y'all!

Natural Resource Defense Council

Nature Conservancy

World Wildlife Fund

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