Sunday, January 27, 2008

Oh, my goodness! It's recipe time, y'all.

Note: Stay tuned. In the near future, I'll be introducing Freddy, a fun friend who's coming to stay with me. You'll get to learn ALL about his exploits as he experiences life in the big city.

Do you like how the recipes I've shared with you so far have all been vegan versions low rent shit?

No Tempeh Wasabi Melts, no Raw Falafel Makeovers with Raw Pesto Dip, no Blueberry Couscous Conundrums - in fact, hardly any vegetables at all.

Well, I'm Southern, and y'all are just going to have to deal with the fact that I like gross food. If if was deep-fried, I ate it. In fact, the only reason I'm no longer teetering on the brink of obesity is a lovely regimen of very hard narcotics I followed about eight years ago.

Although I have tempered my ways and am now eating healthily, sensibly and, what is that boring word - sustainably - from time to time one just needs to say, "Bring on some gross-ass food that reminds me of Mama."

So, in the spirit of vegan versions of revolting foods, I have decided to impart this divine 'meatball stroganoff' recipe. I don't know about you, but before I stopped succumbing to the consumption of our furry, feathered, finned, and flippered friends, I liked nothing better than having a piping hot plate of beef stroganoff dumped right down in front of my face. I'd lap that shit up like a kitten at a bowl of milk, and then ask for more.

This version spares the cows and tastes pretty fucking awesome. It sets my soul on fire with a burning desire when I dig into it. Yes, it's that good.

"But it just doesn't taste the same," dingbats moan. Well guess what? That's because there's nothing DEAD floating around in it. You should be happy about that.

This recipe was purloined years ago from Veg Web and was originally submitted by

Meatball Stroganoff


  • 1 Tbsp. canola or olive oil

  • 1 Package Gimme Lean ground 'beef' style

  • 1/2 tsp. salt

  • 1/4 tsp. black pepper

  • 1 medium onion, finely chopped

  • 8 oz. mushrooms, finely sliced

  • 1 1/2 cups vegetable broth

  • 2 Tbsp. flour

  • 1/2 cup Tofutti Sour Supreme

  • 2 tsp. dijon mustard

  • 1 Tbsp. vegan margarine

  • Noodles, rice or quinoa to dump that shit on when you're all through.

  • How to whip this shit together so it tastes like Jesus:

  • Heat oil in a medium sized skillet. Shape Gimme Lean into meatballs and cool well over medium heat until browned.

  • While those meatballs are a-sizzlin,' in another skillet, melt margarine over medium heat and saute the onions for five (5) minutes or until soft and translucent. Add mushrooms and saute, stirring for five more minutes.

  • Reduce heat to medium low, blend in two Tbsp. of flour and stir for two minutes.

  • Raise heat to medium high and add the broth and stir constantly until thick and smooth, for approximately three to five (3-5) minutes.

  • When meatballs are well browned, add to mushroom mixture.
  • Add salt and pepper.
  • Whisk in sour supreme and mustard, then simmer, stirring until heated through - say, 'round two (2) minutes.

  • Dump that shit on top of some motherfucking noodles or whatever - and bam! you got you some vegan stroganoff that'll have your subordinates begging for more.

    I've made this and shared it several times, and everyone loved the fuck out of it, so give it a whirl because it is simply divine.

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